but i need to express some feelings.
hopefully they come out making sense.
oh i don't even know where to start.
boy walks into my life.
said boy becomes the forerunner in my thoughts.
job gives me eight hours every day to think...
&& i become wrapped up with countless ideas pulling me in different directions.
i feel-- scared. happy. confused. intimidated. vulnerable. frustrated. like a wuss. && sometimes not me :(
overall i'm happy with life. i have great friends, good roommates, && even better family members. i do fun things and am having a great new experience being in rexburg for the summer. but i've come to realize tonight i've put up a wall around said boy from above to try and protect myself from getting hurt. because this boy probably most likely does not feel the same way towards me. (but that's a whole 'nother story that won't be told) it bothers me how a boy can make me do that and change the way i want to be. now i've got to thinking about what i am supposed to learn from this whole experience && what is He trying to teach me. what will i get out of this? what should i do? i know i need to talk to this boy. i've been deciding and running through things in my head constantly for a week; how do i talk to him? what do i say? what is the best way to express myself towards him without completely ruining things? because i don't want the fact of something silly like my feelings for him get in the way of a good friendship. that's probably silly and cliche but it's true.
i guess i'll just have to see how things play out. i'm putting this all in His hands. He knows what is best for me and i just need to have a little more faith in Him. continue doing the things i know, and have Him help me with the rest of the unknown. that's my goal this week. be myself, do what i know, && have faith in Him that everything will work out.
ps. i cut my hair today... i love it
